Deerfield Per Capita Income Drops
Sharply On Stone/Lopes Family Move
Residents Fear Gang Activity and Drug Trade Will Follow
Deerfield, IL - Pioneer Press - Deerfield residents stormed
the still under-construction Village Hall to express their concerns
over two new residents moving into the quiet village on Chicago's North
Shore.
Armed with bottles of Perrier
and light bulb extension poles, their anger was pointed at Village
Manager, Robert Franz, for approving the water/trash service application
form removing the final barrier to entry for the Stone/Lopes family.
"All 'I's were dotted and 'T's crossed. We even brought in forensic
handwriting analysts to make sure of that," Franz said.
Undeterred, residents plan weekly cross-burnings
in the Stone yard pending approval from the Villas of South Commons
Homeowners Association. The Villas however have indicated that they
may not approve the cross-burnings due to the likelihood that common
element water would be used to extinguish the fire.
Some residents point to a government
cover-up. "It's just upsetting that people like this are allowed to
tarnish our good
city's reputation. How long did the Village Trustees know about
this? Why was this kept quiet until after elections?" protested
an unnamed resident, dressed in polo gear.
Village Mayor, Stephen Harris, tried to assure residents that the
village is looking into any legal recourse it might have. In the
meantime "Residents should feel free to act smug and and pee on their
lawn as a sign of protest."
For those wishing to avoid the new White-Trash-Haven
known as the Stone household altogether, the address information is:
540
South Commons Ct, Deerfield, IL 60015
Because prank
calling can violate federal law, the mayor stongly suggested that
residents not resort to this practice - "Or else they will have won."
Editor's Note: If you had the old
phone number - it hasn't changed. If you didn't have it, you probably
don't need it - and we're not going to post it on the internet.