I veered to the right this
morning and my life was spared
(Arlington Heights, IL) - I have come to learn that all the planning
that we do for our futures, be it planning for family, retirement, etc.,
is essentially irrelevant. No matter how cautious we are to maintain the
proper insurance for our health, auto, life and home; no matter how much
we put into our 401k plans; no matter how much research we do before buying
our first home; nothing is as important as the decisions we make in an
instant without the slightest bit of thought.
I find it almost laughable now to think that I do things like hem and
haw over a $15 purchase at Home Depot. I will spend an hour looking at
the same item and trying to find something similar for $5 less because
I can compute that it will put an extra $600 in my retirement funds when
I hit 67. Or that I only buy the soda that's on sale this week, instead
of the one that I like, to save a couple bucks. Or that I contemplated
spending a long weekend at home, because I just didn't want to spend the
money. Or that I have planned my vacations based on how cheaply I can do
things (I toured London for five days because I had free lodging. I was
in Paris only two because I didn't).
I will spend thirty minutes on the phone arguing with my insurance
company over a change of address they were supposed to have done two years
ago (and I fear they'll change the address to what I wanted only now that
I've moved yet again). I raise hell with the bank over a deposit error
of 3 cents. I plan a dinner with friends 2 weeks in advance. I complain
to the condo board about the ugly yellow paint in the basement. I wait
for others to act before I act.
I think I have become too practical, too cheap, and in some measure
too stupid. I have voluntarily allowed some of the greatest moments in
life to pass me by (or at least have deferred them) because I focused too
much on the long term and not enough on today. While contemplating how
to work the puzzle pieces of the future, I have hurt the people who need
me now. For all the thinking I have done for the next 50 years, today it
was all about 1 second.
I veered to the right this morning and my life was spared. There was
no planning. There was no research. It was a pure gut reaction. We can
argue that 13 years of driving experience combined with a thorough knowledge
of my car's capabilities led to a correct, rational decision made in a
split second; or that a higher power intervened and forced my hands; or
that it was just dumb luck.
They say that your life flashes before you at that moment. Two pictures
were in my mind at the time. The first, my childhood dog Shotzie staring
out the window of my parents' living room. The second was of me holding
a baby in my arms. When the car came to a stop, I found myself analyzing
why these two images were chosen to represent the sum total of my life.
Shotz was a great dog. She had a wonderful disposition. As kids, we
literally tortured that poor dog, but she still loved us and never bit
us no matter how much we deserved it. She loved to roll around in the grass
and bake in the hot summer sun. She patrolled the borders of the backyard
protecting us from evil rabbits and squirrels. She ate pepper steak so
that I wouldn't have to. She represents a link to my past - a time when
there was no planning, there was no future. I lived for today and had fun
while I could. Planning for my future was the responsibility of someone
else. The child represents my future. I have been building and saving for
a life that has been destined to include this little person for many years
now. This morning I nearly orphaned him. What good would all the planning
and saving have done if I weren't there to participate in the one true
miracle of humanity?
Was this merely just another incident on the road of life? Or is it
something that should force me to evaluate my life and where it's going?
Is the other driver as grateful as I am that a tragedy was avoided?
Is he thankful that he is alive because I drive an SUV that could jump
the curb and leave the road rather than a car that would be confined by
it? Will he be a little more patient next time when stuck behind someone
wanting to make a left turn, or will he try to dart in front of someone
else next time who will veer left or futilely attempt to stop? Is he evaluating
his priorities now as I am? Will he hug his children just a little bit
tighter tonight when he gets home?
I cried when Shotz died. I cried this morning. My thoughts centered
around one question: Why have I spent so much time trying to figure out
what to do with my life instead of living my life? No longer will this
be the case.
I have lived in Chicago for 6+ years and never been to Great America.
I will go. Sooner, rather than later.
I have dreamed since I was in 5th grade of going to Madrid.
I will book the ticket. Sooner, rather than later.
I have waited to have a wonderful woman at my side.
I will ask her to marry me. Sooner, rather than later.
I have dreamed of playing catch with my son in the front yard.
I will buy a new glove. Sooner, rather than later.
I will do what I feel is right, even if it is unpopular.
I will not wait for others to 'see the light', when they refuse to
open their eyes.
I will embrace those who embrace me as I am, and not try to change
those who don't.
I will try to make others feel as blessed as I do at this moment.
(I had been lost in a daze by the side of the road for so long that
I didn't notice him pull up or knocking on my window to check on me. He
had to run my plates to see who I was.)
The officer repeated, "Mr. Stone? Are you all right?"
"No. But I will be."
The most carefully laid plans are still manipulated by decisions made
in the time it takes to sneeze. I veered to the right this morning and
my life was spared. If I do not learn from this experience and change myself
for the better, then I may as well have hit that car this morning. My future
begins today and not years from today.
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